THE MYSTERIOUS LOCKER ROOM DIARIES

PENALTY KILL No. 6
Originally Posted 2011
PS...I'm part of the JOE's NATION now!  Very proudly!


She walks into Nytex Sports Center and signs her name on the Mud Ducks roster. She then grabs her pink taped hockey stick, a wooden one, and grabs her rolling bag with all of her gear and makes her way gracefully down the ramp (as though crossing to stage right to deliver her first aria). She bursts through the double doors with zeal and makes an immediate right into the infamous locker room 1. The men's locker room, much like the men's bathroom is a sacred and interesting place though women are allowed...well most times lol.

I won't lie, it was like walking into a place that I was forbidden to enter, as though some great secret was hiding within.... the secret.... of uncategorized aroma and chat that can sometimes make the hairs inside the ears stand up.

I call out "any one indecent?" to which I hear "its all good... this is your locker room too!" or "Yep were all in our birthday suits, come on in!"

So I enter. OH MY WORD.  My nose was under instant ambush.  It was a wall of unidentified flying spores and they were all giggling at me.... at my reaction.  I named one of the spores Bob.

I wanted to reenact the flower spreading scene below from Madame Butterfly in that seemingly eternal inferno of rancid smell. 



And I was praying to GOD to make it go away!



And it's not like it is any one's single fault. That is just how locker rooms smell! I go into the bathroom area and there is a whole new level of  oscillating odor....like feral cats had lived in there!

I have to change into my under clothes for my gear so I'm skillfully bouncing around on the sticky, and wet floor one foot at a time trying to minimize the time each foot hits the ground, while gagging and hold my breath, eventually shoving a shirt in my mouth and over my nose.   I looked like a female bandit...oh wait... I was one briefly.... we all make mistakes LOLOLOL!  (could not help myself, all in good fun)

Tears rolling down the eyes now as I am continually laughing.  I run back into the main locker room and release the gasp!  Even the guys noticed that there was a nice FEMALE smell in the room when they came in last night. (little did they know that I sprayed a lovely beaches and floral spray all over my bag because frankly, my GEAR.... its starting to TURN. All that sweat, inevitible.)  

<


I grab the best spot I can find and start hanging my stuff and begin preparing my ears for locker room talk. I politely giggle here and there especially when it gets, well, a little racy sometimes... though somehow a precious apology always makes its way over to me LOL. They probably have no clue how I grew up hanging out with boys as my buddies and playing in the mud lol.  So really nothing shocks me... but I think it's really sweet that I get apologies anyway.


The first few weeks I changed in the ladies bathroom, but then got over it and wanted to be closer to my team members and not miss any important line information and play strategy. So I joined them. I dig it. It's not like do a TOTAL change anyway.

Then comes time each game where I always ask Ulrich to braid my hair for the game. He ALWAYS refuses of course. But if I don't ask him, he believes it is bad luck. He probably doesn't wash his socks or other under parts of his gear either hahahahaha Sorry darlin!

It's nice to look over at the door and see my PINK taped hockey stick right in the middle of all of the other guys sticks.


Of course the shower situation is hilarious. Once the game is done, I can't go in that room because, well, when boys shower, they just shower out in the open. So, I politely go down to the ladies room and do a face wash and change lolol.

All in all, the best parts are hearing the guys banter back and forth about guy things and then its especially hilarious when they forget I'm there and actually talk about chicks! HHAHAHAAHAHAHA It's so revealing!

I love these guys crazy! I know without a doubt that we all have each other's back on and off the ice. Like one big family.


SOUNDTRACK IN MY HEAD when I enter the locker room: Flower Duet from Lakme, and Opera by Delibes. Yes, Flowers....to combat the STENCH!!!!